im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just high enough for therapy.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
