on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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