Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
