thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
