dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
