She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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