I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
