I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
this hospital has no fireball
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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