if only i could text you this smell
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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