I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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