i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
