I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish you could order shots online.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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