Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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