Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
