I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
