I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
