You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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