Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
