why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
