No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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