i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
