The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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