Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
