didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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