Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
