Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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