I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
