Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
