i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
