The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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