i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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