i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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