need another drink. this is the easiest way
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
