Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
