Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
