puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
