The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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