Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
