Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
