Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
