Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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