You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
