***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I will be naked everywhere
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
