I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
