Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
