So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize