just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
