You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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