i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
