just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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