I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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