Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
