I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
