$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
