I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
