I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
