wakey wakey hands off snakey
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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