mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
