That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
