The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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