apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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