sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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