talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
