i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
