I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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