please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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