I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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