New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
