I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
