I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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