how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
