I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
