she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
