kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
