Me too!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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