You just made me feel so damn special
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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