you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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