Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you still have your period?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
