Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize