I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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