If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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