...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
