Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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