There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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