my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
